In Norway we have a sort of jokes called Swede-jokes. They are just made for fun and have nothing to do with the Swedish people. We just need someone to make the jokes about, and then we for some reason chose the Swedes. Of course the Swedes have the same jokes themselves, but then with the Norwegians as the fools.


  • Do you know how it is possible to see if a Swede has used your computer?
    it is correcting fluid on the screen.
     
  • Do you know how to sink a Swedish submarine?
    You swim down and knock on the door.
     
  • Do you know how to get a one-armed Swede down from a flag-staff?
    You wave at him.
     
  • In the beginning God had planned that Jesus should be born in Sweden. There was only one problem that made it impossible, so he had to move it to the Middle-East. He couldn't find three wise men.
     
  • The man in the garage asked the Swede to go behind the car and check if the indicator was working or not.
    - Now I will switch on the indicator, the mechanic said. - Does it work?
    - Works, works not, works, works not, works ....
     
  • Two Swedes were out cycling. After a while one of them stopped and let out the air in the rear wheel.
    - Why are you doing this? the other one asked.
    - The seat was too high!
     
  • What subject do you have to study to be a brain-surgeon in Sweden?
    Woodwork.
     
  • Do you know how to get a Swede laughing at New Year's Eve?
    You tell him a good joke on Christmas day.
     
  • Do you know what is written under all Swedish bottles?
    "To be opened at the other end."
     
  • A man was out for a walk when he spotted a Swede sitting in front of a house washing his cat. He told the Swede that he didn't have to wash his cat - Cats wash themselves.
    In the evening the man passed the house again. Then he saw the cat lying dead in the garden.
    - I told you, you shouldn'd have washed the cat! he shouted.
    Then the Swede replied: - It didn't die when I washed it. It died when I wrung it out.
     
  • Heard of the new Swedish mouse trap? Yesterday there were four dead mice lying around it. They had been laughing themselves to death.
     
  • Do you know why the Swedes bring sand paper into the desert?
    They think it is a map.
     
  • The Swede entered the bookstore and wanted a book.
    The salesman: - Shall I find you something easy to read, or do you prefer heavy literature?
    The Swede: - That doesn't matter. I've brought the car.
     
  • Two Norwegians were committing a robbery in Sweden. When they were about to cross the border back into Norway, one of them said:
    - I have good and bad news for you.
    - What's the bad news? the other one asked.
    - The police are after us.
    - What's the good news then?
    - it is the Swedish police.
     
  • - This letter is too heavy, the man at the postoffice said. - You'll have to put on another stamp.
    - Will that make it lighter? the Swede wondered...
     
  • The Swede and the Norwegian were going ice-fishing, and they wanted to see who got the most fish. The Swede didn't get any fish, but the Norwegian pulled up fish after fish. Then the Swede decided to send out a spy. After a while the spy got back and told the Swede: - He has made a hole in the ice!
     
  • One Norwegian and 50 Swedes were out flying. Unfortunately, the plane didn't have any floor, so they had to hold on to some handles in the roof.
    Suddenly the plane began to lose height. The captain said that the plane was too heavily loaded and one of the passengers would have to jump. The captain chose the Norwegian, and then the Swedes applauded ...
     
  • Do you know why the Swedes always walk in the middle of the road?
    They are afraid of the wild flowers growing along the roadside ...
     
  • Ever heard of the Swedish boxer who was so angry after being knocked down that he counted to ten before he rose up?
     
  • Have you heard of the Swede who stood all day long gazing at the sun?
    He wanted brown eyes.
     
  • Do you know why Swedes go to bed backwards?
    it is easier to get their slippers on next morning.
     
  • Why do the Swedes need so much time to wash their cellar windows?
    They have to dig the ladder down first.
     
  • Do you know what is written at the bottom of all Swedish swimming pools?
    No smoking!
     
  • Do you know what is the difference between a Norwegian and a Swedish ladder?
    The Swedish ladder has a stop sign at the top.
     
  • What is the difference between a Swede and a cat?
    The cat's intelligent look!
     
  • The Norwegian, the Dane and the Swede were stranded on an island. One day a bottle floated ashore. When they rubbed it a spirit came out. They each got one wish. The Norwegian wished he was home, and so did the Dane. Then the Swede became so lonely that he wished them both back.
     
  • Two Swedish carpenters were standing nailing on a house. One of them picks up a nail, look at it and then throws it away.
    - Why are you doing so? the other one asked.
    - The nail head was in the wrong end, he replied.
    - You fool, do not you know that those nails are for the other side of the house...
     
  • A Norwegian was walking around in a Swedish park. There he saw two workers walking one behind the other. The first man was digging holes in the lawn. Then the other man came and filled in the holes again. The Norwegia didn't understand why they were doing this, so he asked the first man:
    - Why are you digging holes in the lawn and then the other guy just fills them in again?
    - Well, you see, there are usually three of us working here. But the man who walks between us planting bushes is off sick today.